I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
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