Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
Randomize
