so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
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