I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
Randomize
