Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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