just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
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