so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
he just fucked me for my cheese..
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Randomize
