I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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