Having a random hookup so left but love u
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
