I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Randomize
