It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
