Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
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