He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
FUCK WHALES
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
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