Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
