Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
