her vagine was all disorganized.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
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