Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
Randomize
