I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
smell my finger.
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
