the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
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