so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Randomize
