Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
Randomize
