You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
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