when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize
