Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
