Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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