i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Randomize
