So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
