I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
the raccoons are back...
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