friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Randomize
