I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
Randomize
