At least make sure they are 18
Why
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
Randomize
