Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
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