90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
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