I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
Randomize
