you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
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