If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Randomize