i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
I think people are normalizing furries
Randomize
