Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
I will be naked everywhere
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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