Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
