I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
we should paint friendship bongs
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
