started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
Your message has been received by an unknown user. Picture verification required.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
