How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
I could make wine with my vomit
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Randomize
