i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
Randomize
