69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
