Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
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