I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
