That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Randomize
