Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Randomize
