Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
Randomize
