Christians are straight up FREAKS
so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
Randomize
