so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
Randomize
