Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
Randomize
