There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
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I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
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He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
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