Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
home. puking in laundry basket.
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
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