My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Randomize
