he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
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i don't want you to think of me as your TA
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
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He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
When are your genitals available?
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
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