she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
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