I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Randomize
