If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
Randomize
