So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
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