I feel like abortions should bother me more
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
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