you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
