dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
