is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
Randomize
