You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
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